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In life, we all face a critical moment, where we lose hope and desire to move on. In fact, that very moment determines our fate.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>

By Shajiya Khanom<\/span><\/strong><\/p>

The journey of being a mother is never easy. It is normal to be paranoid when it comes to your baby. Especially when you are a new mom. I will confess, when I became a mother, I felt like I was in my own world. No matter what difficulties I had gone through in life, nothing could have prepared me for the journey that is motherhood. It was more challenging for me because I had to do it alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>

My husband went to Australia to do his PhD just after our son was born. Because of the time zone difference, we could hardly talk. At that time, dealing with sleep deprivation and postpartum mood problems ended up being a tough fight for me. I realized that motherhood is a bit different from what we usually have in our minds. I had to find a way to be mentally stable so I started writing letters to my husband in the middle of the night after waiting for my son to fall asleep. The interesting thing is that I never sent those letters to him for some authentic reason.<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>

Dear readers, I did not know what to expect from myself and from others around me after giving birth. That\u2019s when I ended up writing letters to my husband who was living far away from us. I would like to share a few of them. Because most of them are repetitive with frustration, conflicts, and confusion. Dear readers, trust me, hanging in there was the only option I had during those terrific days. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

$\"\"$ <\/span><\/strong><\/p>

The Midnight letters -01 (\u09ae\u09a7\u09cd\u09af\u09b0\u09be\u09a4<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u098f\u09b0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u099a\u09bf\u09a0\u09bf<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u09e7)<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>
10\/01\/17\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>
Dear Orhan\u2019s Dad,<\/span><\/strong><\/p>
Orhan is sleeping. I was thinking of writing to you for so long. Writing to you about how I am doing these days. But I just don\u2019t feel like telling you the same old stories of stresses and tough moments I am dealing with now-a-days. Moreover, Orhan could get up anytime as he has never had a sound sleep since he was born. Even today, my baby has woken up crying from time to time in the middle of his sleep.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>
Tonight, after a long week and not a lot of sleep, I woke up with a miserable feeling in my bottom rib. I could tell, that the reason was because of this dopey position I had fallen asleep in while taking care of my baby on the tiny bed we were in. So, I decided to sleep in my mother\u2019s bedroom. This bed is large enough for Orhan and I.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>
It is 1:50am right now…I couldn\u2019t sleep despite moving to a larger bed. Lots of words are whirling around in my head. All of the advices I have received, do\u2019s and don\u2019ts that my well wishers have given me as I am a new mother. <\/span><\/em><\/span><\/p>
The other day, my elder sister said, \u201cMimi, enjoy every moment right now\u2026 you will see how fast Orhan will grow and he will do such cute little things that will be mesmerizing to watch.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>
I said, \u201cAlhamdulillah I will wait and have patience.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>
My friends who are single say, \u201cyour one and only work is taking care of Orhan right now…concentrate on that, do not think of anything else dear.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>
I say, \u201cAlhamdulillah, you guys are absolutely right.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>
But dear Orhan’s Dad, can you tell me why I am feeling so restless and stressed out these days? I am just waiting for the day when Orhan\u2019s schedule will be a little more predictable. When he cries out so loudly and continuously, I suddenly feel like I don\u2019t know how to soothe him. I feel terrible for being an unqualified mother! I can\u2019t express my feelings, my struggles to anyone, because everyone has their own perspective of seeing a new mom in this situation. But as the father of our son, you might get me right and see what I am going through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>
I know you are also there dealing with stress and responsibilities. You are also under pressure to finish your PhD. I understand that. Yet, I can\u2019t think of anything else other than having a calm conversation with you. I expect that you could appreciate what I am doing, only then could I feel well. Now I know, that is why everyone needs a life partner. I just think no matter how much we disappoint each other, it will be best for the three of us to live together. Hopefully then, I would get rid of all that despair and restlessness in my life. Though people say, every stage of a growing child comes with new challenges.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>
$\"\"$ Dear, you know what, I don\u2019t feel good at all for myself. There are uncountable women in this world that are managing careers and children simultaneously and so smoothly. Here I am, i can\u2019t even take care of my precious son properly. <\/span><\/p>
I\u2019m feeling sleepy now\u2026 and I think my dear Orhan might wake up crying soon\u2026!<\/span><\/p>
I really need to sleep…I wish I would\u2019ve known about all these post pregnancy emotions and I wish I wasn\u2019t so deeply affected emotionally by everything and everyone. <\/span><\/p>
bye for now ……………..<\/span><\/p>
Orhan\u2019s mom<\/span><\/strong><\/p>
\u00a0<\/p>
Dear readers, I know all these feeling are normal. That is why, during those post pregnancy weeks, I was tried to not be too hard on myself. I had doubt, I had fear, I had confusion, I had sadness, I had jitters, I was hypersensitive, but the joy my baby brought into my life is priceless. So I really did hang in there. Now I know, motherhood is not only an instinct, it\u2019s also a learning process as a woman , as a human being too.<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In life, we all face a critical moment, where we lose hope and desire to move on. In fact, that very moment determines our fate.\u00a0 By Shajiya Khanom The journey of being a mother is never easy. It is normal to be paranoid when it comes to your baby. Especially when you are a new […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-others"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=495"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/495\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":507,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/495\/revisions\/507"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/506"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myinspiringdiary.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}